I am going to write this post in English as most of my Swedish readers know English fairly well and the text is simply too long to translate myself (yes I am feeling a bit lazy!).
I know that this last year the updating of the blog has been slightly inconsistent, with intervals of daily posts, varied with periods of time with no posts whatsoever. The reason for this is because this has been a rather trying year for me, with a lot of emotional trauma and some sort of an existential crisis. As you all know, I am very career driven and I like to keep busy when it comes to work and university. But that also means that I barely allow myself to take time to be upset when I need to be upset. I also do not like being upset, as I am all about good people around me and positive vibes. Yet I have realised that when I am not in a good place, I am not able to give any positive energy back to these people around me – I realise this because I self-evaluate a lot and have realised that no one likes a miserable prick. So I tend to exclude myself when I am down and I try to heal on my own.
It has been a trying year, but I finally feel like I am happy. For the first time in literally a year (except when I was in the Caribbean) I feel really happy and content. I have had to come to terms with a lot of intimidating and scary things this year, such as not knowing what the future holds and what the meaning of life is (an existential crisis if you will) and at times I have wanted to just curl up in to a little ball and not have to deal with reality. But I have had patience and faith in the very obvious fact that everything will be okay. Life has its course and all we can do is enjoy the ride, go with the flow, make the most of everyday and be in the moment. Be here and be now.
And I truly feel this. I have found myself feeling a wave of appreciation and love for the people who are in my life right now. They are not many, but the ones I do have are damn good ones. People I laugh with, people I cry with, people I trust in, people who will literally fight for me (hahah you know who you are!) and people I respect and learn from. Good people who make me happy. People who make me feel loved.
And the best thing is that I actually feel I can give this love back. I can be there for them too, like a symbiosis of energy. They give me energy, and I give it back. And perhaps that is the meaning of life?