MUA: Abbi Rose (assisted by Georgia Shults) / Hair: Charlie Wilkinson (using Annabelles Wigs) / Photographer: Condry Calvin Mlilo (see the full series on his website)
What is the key to success? This is a difficult question and I believe that it varies from person to person. What works for one person, may not work for another. For me, my strength has always been my confidence. Or, actually, the illusion of confidence.
What I mean with this is that I am not always confident. I am very often shitting myself on the inside. Like, proper shitting myself. But I choose to portray an exterior of confidence. “Let them believe that I know what I am doing, and then I can try to figure it out later.”
I remember when I was young, really young, this was back in the 90’s. My mum used to make me order at McDonalds. “You want an ice cream? Then you have to go and order one.” While this is a pretty basic thing, I remember shitting myself on the inside. What if I said the wrong thing to the person behind the counter? What if he/she did not understand my order? Or what if they laughed at me? But I also remember thinking that I really wanted that ice cream. So I had to suck it up and go to the counter and order. And can you believe it, I was always fine.
I think this really set the way for me for the rest of my life. If you want something, you cannot let fear get in the way. The fear of being laughed at. The fear of being rejected. The fear of getting a “No” or a “You do not fit the profile”.
I remember when I was going to the Swedish School in London when I was 13 and I was asked to be in the Spring Show and sing solo…in French! My French was basic and my singing the same. But I loved being on stage and I did not want to turn down the opportunity – especially when someone else believed in me. They had asked me to sing this particular song, they had not asked my classmates. So I did it…and it was fine and people applauded me and I had a great time (although I cringe every time I watch it now). Further to this, I did many more spring shows and many more solo performances – although, not in French!
Another time is when I was doing my work experience at my current job when I was 20 and had just started my second year of law school. Two days into the experience, they asked me if I wanted a job there. I was baffled…I did not think my contribution during those two days had been significant or even good – I had completely and utterly fucked up several times, yet they asked me if I wanted a job? Once again, I was shitting myself. I did not know anything about family law, nor did I know anything about working in a law firm. Would I be able to live up to their expectations? Would I embarrass myself? But I accepted the offer thinking: “Ok they have clearly seen something in me that they like. They have confidence in me, so why should I not have confidence in myself?” 3 years later, I am still at the same firm.
Similarly to this, as you all know, I was offered a modelling contract shortly after I got the law firm job. I was approached by an agency saying they wanted to sign me right away. Once again, I was confused. I did not look like a model, I did not have the height or the body. Would I even get any work? What if I could not even model? What if I was shit at posing? Suddenly everything Tyra had taught me during all those nights in watching ANTM were completely forgotten. Yet, I did not hesitate, and I signed the contract straight away. Now, looking back on all the work I have done, for various make up brans, skin beauty campaigns, and having my face in magazines, I am happy I said yes.
I think what I am trying to say is that even though you may doubt yourself and your ability to do a certain task or do a certain job, if you want to do it, especially when someone is offering you, then just do it. I have always thought that even if I do not know something, I can learn. If someone asks me to do X or prepare Y, and I have no clue what either X or Y means, then I always start off by saying “Sure!” and after I try to figure out what it is. Usually, the internet can tell you, or a book, or a co-worker. By not hesitating in your response, you create an illusion that you are confident, and I believe confidence is one of the major keys to success (DJ Khaled voice).
It is in this way I live my life. And it means I never miss out on any opportunity that comes my way, because I always say “Yes”. It may not last long, I may fuck up, or I may realise that actually, this was not for me. But then at least I have tried it. And I will not have any regrets as I did not let fear rule how I made my decisions or how I lived my life.
Who doesn’t love glitter?! Gjorde för ett tag sedan ett shoot som precis kommit ut som har fått namnet The Glitter Series. Under plåtningen tog jag som vanligt selfies – fick denna gången med uppbyggningen av glittret och sminket på mitt ansikte. Älskar verkligen denna looken med den vitsilvriga peruken och det isblåa glittret. Snacka om att jag levde upp till mitt alter ego – ice queen!
// Who doesn't love glitter?! A while ago I did a shoot which has recently been released called The Glitter Series. During the shoot I was taking selfless as I usually do - this time I managed to capture some of the build up of the make up and glitter on my face. I really love this look with the silverwhite wig and the ice blue glitter. I really lived up to my alter ego - ice queen! //
I am going to write this post in English as most of my Swedish readers know English fairly well and the text is simply too long to translate myself (yes I am feeling a bit lazy!).
I know that this last year the updating of the blog has been slightly inconsistent, with intervals of daily posts, varied with periods of time with no posts whatsoever. The reason for this is because this has been a rather trying year for me, with a lot of emotional trauma and some sort of an existential crisis. As you all know, I am very career driven and I like to keep busy when it comes to work and university. But that also means that I barely allow myself to take time to be upset when I need to be upset. I also do not like being upset, as I am all about good people around me and positive vibes. Yet I have realised that when I am not in a good place, I am not able to give any positive energy back to these people around me – I realise this because I self-evaluate a lot and have realised that no one likes a miserable prick. So I tend to exclude myself when I am down and I try to heal on my own.
It has been a trying year, but I finally feel like I am happy. For the first time in literally a year (except when I was in the Caribbean) I feel really happy and content. I have had to come to terms with a lot of intimidating and scary things this year, such as not knowing what the future holds and what the meaning of life is (an existential crisis if you will) and at times I have wanted to just curl up in to a little ball and not have to deal with reality. But I have had patience and faith in the very obvious fact that everything will be okay. Life has its course and all we can do is enjoy the ride, go with the flow, make the most of everyday and be in the moment. Be here and be now.
And I truly feel this. I have found myself feeling a wave of appreciation and love for the people who are in my life right now. They are not many, but the ones I do have are damn good ones. People I laugh with, people I cry with, people I trust in, people who will literally fight for me (hahah you know who you are!) and people I respect and learn from. Good people who make me happy. People who make me feel loved.
And the best thing is that I actually feel I can give this love back. I can be there for them too, like a symbiosis of energy. They give me energy, and I give it back. And perhaps that is the meaning of life?
Jag älskar smink! Har speciellt på de senaste åren fått ett väldigt intresse för sminkning och spenderar mycket av min lön på BRA smink. Så för mig att jobba som beauty modell där jag i princip blir sminkad i flera timmar och kan se vilka produkter som make up artisterna använder och få inspiration är ju en dröm. Typ bästa jobbet i världen!
För några helger sedan träffade jag en av mina absoluta favorit MUA’s Abbi Rose för att bli sminkad och för att ta lite bilder. Ovan ser ni resultatet. Visst blev det några coola looks?! Hon använde sig endast utav Lord & Berry – gillade verkligen deras produkter!
// I love make up! I have especially the last few years gained a real interest for make up and spend a lot of my pay cheque on GOOD make up. So for me to work as a beauty model where I am literally having my make up done for hours and can see which products are being by the MUA's on me and get inspired is like a dream. Talk about the best job in the world! A couple of weekends ago I met up with one of my absolute favourite MUA's Abbi Rose to have my make up done and take some pics. You can see the result above. How cool are these looks?! She used Lord & Berry only - I really liked their products! //
Hade ett shoot i somras på en båt med retrotema. Det var verkligen så kul och bilderna blev rätt coola, eller hur? Har fått många förfrågningar om shoots på senaste tiden, men tyvärr kan jag knappt göra några eftersom skolan och advokatsfirman tar upp större delen av min tid. Tråkigt, men man måste tyvärr prioritera. Blir troligtvis att jag gör mer i sommar när jag inte behöver oroa mig över skolan lika mycket.
// I had a shoot last summer on a boat with a retro theme. It was so much fun and the pictures turned out pretty cool, right? I have had a lot of people asking me about shoots lately, but unfortunately I cannot do many as I have school and the law firm which takes up most of my time. It's sad, but I have to prioritize. I will most likely do a lot more modelling the coming summer when I do not have to worry about school as much. //
/ Project direction: Nadine Langer and Paul James Merchant / Project Assistant: Emily Holmes / MUA: Tara Moghaddam / Photography: Camille Sanson Photography / Styling: Joey Bevan / Hair: Silhouette Du Barry /
För er som följt min blogg ett tag vet att jag älskar att jobba med Kryolan! Under sommaren gjorde jag ett antal jobb för dem, en av dem var för deras kalender. Deras 2017 kalender var inspirerad av citat av kända konstnärer. Mitt smink, som gjordes av Tara Moghaddam, var inspirerad av Damien Hirsts citat ”For me, art is always a kind of theatre”. Visst blev det coolt?! Om ni vill köpa kalendern så kan ni göra det här.
// For the people who have been following my blog a while know that I love to work with Kryolan! During the summer I did several shoots with them, one of which was for their calendar. Their 2017 calendar was inspired by quotes from various artists. My make up, which was done by Tara Moghaddam, was inspired by Damien Hirst's quote "For me, art is always a kind of theatre". Cool right?! If you want to buy the calendar you can do it here. //
I torsdags var jag och mamma på Nandos innan vi gick på bio. Jag och mamma brukar ju ha lite dejter då och då i Richmond där vi äter och kollar på någon ny gråt-film som kommit ut. I torsdags blev det ”The Light Between Oceans”, Alicia Vikanders nya film. Som vanligt grät jag mig igenom hela filmen och förstörde allt smink, men hej hå! Filmen är värd att se om man gillar sorgliga kärleksfilmer och om man gillar att gråta haha.
Utöver det tänkte jag be om ursäkt för min dåliga uppdatering. Har inte varit med i den sociala media matchen på den senaste tiden, mest för att skolan börjat bli väldigt intense och att jag börjat vara volontär varje vecka (plus att jag fortfarande jobbar på min juristbyrå två gånger i veckan). Utöver det försöker jag bibehålla min sociala liv också, men känner att även det börjar bli svårt. Jag får oftast många frågor om hur jag fixar att gå en heltids utbildning, jobba två deltids jobb, vara volontär, hålla igång bloggen och fortfarande ha tid att gå ut och träffa vänner. Mitt svar är alltid: ”Ingen aning!”. För jag vet faktiskt inte hur jag fixar det ibland. Jag tror att mitt motto ”Work hard, play hard” är svaret för mig, då jag tror att det är viktigt att få ett slags utlopp för all den stress och energi som jag lägger på skola och jobb. Genom att jag går ut på helgerna och festar etc så känner jag mig motiverad att plugga och jobba ordentligt under veckan. Att ha en balans är absolut det viktigaste!
Men sen handlar det ibland om att jag måste prioritera en av bollarna som jag har i luften mer än dom andra. Jag sa alltid från början att min utbildning är det absolut viktigaste och att allt annat kommer i andrahand. Det vill säga, att om det är så att jag får ett modelljobb när jag har skola, eller om jag blir tillfrågad att komma in till juristbyrån en dag då jag måste plugga, så har jag helt enkelt sagt nej. Många tror att det är dåligt att vara otillgänglig i vissa sammanhang i ens karriär, men jag tror att det kan vara bra ibland då det visar att man har prioriteringar och att man även är efterfrågad. Så var inte rädda för att säga nej till vissa saker för att kunna fokusera på andra.
Ett sista tips har att göra med motivation. Jag är en av dom lataste personerna jag känner. Helst av allt hade jag velat ligga i min säng och proppa i mig godis för resten av livet. Men tyvärr funkar vuxenlivet inte riktigt så haha. Jag har alltså fått lära mig att inte vara lat. I början är det jobbigt, men när man börjar se resultat genom fler modelljobb och positiv feedback från juristbyrån och bra betyg i skolan så blir man motiverad och tänker knappt på det längre. För mig funkade det genom att helt enkelt bara göra och inte tänka. Om man går på automatik så tänker man inte på att det kanske är jobbigt eller att man hellre velat göra något annat, som att sova några extra timmar. Till slut går man till jobbet och skolan och sina andra sysslor och tänker på dem som en del av vardagen. Och nu skulle jag inte veta vad jag skulle göra med mig själv om ett av dem togs bort.
Hoppas att detta svarade några av era frågor. Om ni har fler ställ dem gärna i kommentarsfältet så svarar jag på dem där!
// Thursday night was spent with mum at Nandos before we went to the cinema. Mum and I usually have little dates in Richmond where we eat and watch a new sob-film that has come out. On Thursday we watched "The Light Between Oceans", Alicia Vikanders new film. As per usual, I cried my way through the film and ruined my make up, but oh well! The film is worth watching if you like sad romantic films and if you like to cry haha. Other than that I would like to apologize for the bad update of the blog. I have not been the best with my social media lately, mainly because uni has started to get intense and I'm doing volunteering every week (plus I still work at the law firm twice a week). On top of that I'm trying to remain my social life, however that is starting to get difficult. I often get questions about how I manage to study a full-time Masters degree, work part time at the law firm and as a model, and do the volunteering, keep the blog going, and have time for my friends. My answer is always: "I have no clue!". Because I actually don't know how I do it sometimes. I think that my motto "Work hard, play hard" is the answer for me, as I think it is important to have some sort of outlet for the stress and energy I put into my studies and work. By going out on the weekends and partying I feel more motivated to actually study and work during the week. To create a balance is the most important thing! But it is also about prioritizing some of the commitments over the others. I always said from the start that my education is the most important thing and that everything else is secondary. That means that if I get a modelling job when I have uni, or if I get asked to come into the law firm when I have to study, then I simply have to say no. A lot of people think it is a bad thing to not be available 24/7 in their careers, but I think it is a good thing as it shows one has priorities and that one is sought after by others. So don't be afraid to say no to certain things in order to focus on others. One last tip I have has to do with motivation. I am one of the laziest people I know. I would much rather just lay in bed and stuff my face with sweets for the rest of my life. But adult life doesn't quite work like that. I have had to teach myself not to be lazy. In the beginning it was tough, but when you start seeing results through more modelling jobs, good feedback from the firm, and good grades, you get motivated and do not consider it a chore anymore. For me it was all about doing and not thinking. If you simply decide to go on automatic, you might not think about what you are doing is tough and that you would rather be doing something else, like sleep for a few more hours. After some time you go to uni and work and to your other commitments without thinking of them as chores but simply a part of your everyday life. And for me, if someone was to take one of my commitments away from me now, I wouldn't know what to do with all my free time. I hope this answered some of your questions. If you have more please ask them in the comments section below and I will answer them there! //
Images by Thomas Van Cam.