As you have probably noticed, I keep the blog fairly impersonal. The reason for this is manifold. One reason is because when I was younger I had a blog on which I started receiving threats, and I even got sent hate mail to my house as a result of the contents on my blog. I was at that point fairly open about my life, who I was dating and which ventures I embarked on. I think a people get bitter when they see people happy and not really caring about what other people think. A lot of people close to me have said: “Oh they are just jealous”, a saying which I hate. I am a firm believer in that one can dislike someone else without being jealous of them, just like you can be jealous of what someone else has or how they look or whatever, without disliking them. I actually do not know why I seem to provoke people in a way which makes them take time out of their day to write a letter and send it to my house, or create a fake account on Instagram and message whoever I am dating saying I am a bad girlfriend and they should leave me, or even send me a text saying what a disgusting human being I am. As I have dealt with this since the age of 16, being deeply bullied in the form of slutshaming everyday during my years in Stockholm, I think I have not only learned how to not give a shit what people think (I mean if my ‘fellow’ students can refer to me as “slut” when I have only slept with one person, then you realise that people will hate you and have a problem with you regardless of what you do), but also how to protect myself.
I protect myself with humour – hence the ‘vulgarity’ and ‘explicity’ of my social media (guys seriously, we live in the 21st century, y’all need to lighten up!) because if I make fun of my life and myself, it gives the bullies no power over me. I know my flaws and I know my limitations, no slutshamer can tell me something I do not know (except when men tell me “stop acting boujee, you are not Beyonce or Kim K – because, in my head, I am haha!). I also protect myself by not writing about who I am dating or why I do certain things or go to certain events or restaurants. Yes, sometimes when I post about going to a bar or a restaurant or going on a trip, it has been with guys I have dated, and sometimes it has been alone, and sometimes it has been with mum or my friends. I like to keep you guys guessing.
But I can tell you that I have been single for quite a while now. Not that I have to tell you guys anything, I do not owe it to you, but I am only saying it because I feel extremely at ease with my current situation. I like being alone, not having to think about anyone else, not having to be respectful or mindful of someone else’s feelings, only your own! I literally do whatever the hell I want, and it is absolutely wonderful. I do not think I have ever felt completely comfortable alone, I have always had that sort of longing for the love and deeper connection with one particular person – now I have realised that person is me.