As my 25th birthday is approaching, I have been reflecting over what it means to grow older and get closer and closer to proper adulthood (I mean who really feels like an adult under the age of 30 anyway?!).
I remember when I turned 23, the kind of thoughts going through my head were very different from now. I remember feeling anxious about growing older, which may have had to do with my death anxiety, but also to do with the fact that society views ageing (especially for women) as something to avoid. “As you get older your value decreases”. lol k thanks.
But by searching inwards, I am approaching my 25th birthday with a different mind-set. I know I am getting older, I know that looks wise it’s only downhill from here, and I know that I will be in many social situations which will make me feel old. But I am ok with that. In fact, I feel a sense of calm and accomplishment.
To provide an example. This weekend I found myself at pre-drinks in a student accommodation complex (yes, I am aware that as an almost 25 year old that is a massive cougar warning and should not be happening). It was random, last minute, and I can confirm I did not know it was a student accommodation until we arrived (my friends can confirm this story). Anyway, me and my friends were drinking our wine out of red cups (I mean it was only right considering the circumstances) and conversing with various people. I ended up having a conversation with a 19 year old teenage girl who was telling me about how she was revolting against her parents by not going to university and how she had a bucket list of things she wanted to do before she turns 25 and gets old (I decided to ignore that slap in the face) and was generally a lovely girl, but with little life experience from what I gauged. In that moment, drinking my wine and listening to the dramas of being a teenager, a sense of appreciation washed over me. I felt thankful that I am 24 going on 25, and that I will continue to grow older.
The reason for this is because I the older I get, the more life experience I obtain, and the more soul searching and self-reflecting I do. I thought I had my shit together at 19, but now looking back I know I had no shits together whatsoever. And just knowing that I will continue to grow as a person and become wiser the older I get makes me kind of excited for the ageing process. Wrinkles and all.
For my birthday this year I wanted to do something different (and something that did not involve going to a restaurant and club in Mayfair or Shoreditch). I thought about another city in the UK (like Manchester), but thought I deserved something a little more exciting seeing as I am turning 25. I looked at Jamaica (which I have wanted to go to for ages!) but the prices were ridiculous and so I quickly dropped that idea. Then I came to think about the US…
I have not been there since I went to Hawaii to film for Mac Miller’s show on MTV 5 years ago (I was under the drinking age so there was only so many activities I could partake in). I remember thinking to myself that I need to come back when I am 21 or over, because I have been to all of these sick places (NYC, LA, Vegas, San Fran, San Diego and Hawaii) without being able to go clubbing or drink in public places. So where better to go for my 25th birthday than America?!
I have wanted to go to Miami for a while, but always thought it was a place you go with a group of friends to party, and so it never really seemed like the right time (plus getting everyone together at the same time often proves a difficult task). But it is my 25th birthday after all so I gave it a shot, and both N and T confirmed their attendance straight away! I will be spending my 25th birthday with two of my best friends in Miami for a week in April. Whoop whoop!
I have already done a bit of research and know that I want to go to the following places:
Sightseeing: Art Deco Historic District and Little Havana
Beaches: South Beach and Venetian Pool
Restaurants: Versace Mansion (Gianni’s) and Plant
Bars: Sugar and Ball & Chain
Day time parties: Hyde Beach and Nikki Beach
Nightclubs: LIV and Story
Is there anywhere else I have to go when I am there? 🙂
One of the most prominent things I have noticed since I started my little spiritual journey is how my outlook on life and its ‘must-dos’ have changed, along with my priorities. Of course, I am nowhere near where I want to be in terms of what I prioritise in life, but I have come quite a long way already. Let me explain.
We are conditioned from a very early age to decide what we want to do for a career and we are pushed to pursue that career and to make as much money as possible. I mean I remember being asked in nursery what I wanted to be when I grew up, and while that may have been an innocent question, it had a huge effect on the kind of priorities I grew up with – your focus should always be career and work. Then we get a little bit older and we go to school and are pushed to stay in school and to ‘compete’ against other students to get the best grades in order to get in to the best universities and get the best jobs and earn the most money…And then when we are adults, suddenly we have these responsibilities and an even greater urge to be successful so that we can afford a house, car, nice clothes, watches, trips etc etc and get some kind of social status and live ones ‘best life’…
…but the realisation I have come to is that you do not actually have to adhere to the way the government and society wants you to live (ultimately the way we view career and work now is massively beneficial for the government and businesses – we want to earn more so that we can buy more things we do not necessarily need). I used to be all about the ‘hustle’ and about making money and become a billionaire and live life happily ever after. I worked several jobs so that I could buy myself designer shoes and eat in fancy restaurants. And while I give kudos to people who are working hard to give themselves a better life, for me, the constant pressure of always having to be better and do better and get a ‘good job’ and be an independent power woman became toxic after a while and it really just hit me one day that we all die regardless. Whether you have £1 in the bank or a million, you will still die. And I think when you come to that realisation, not just knowing that we all die in the end, but actually understanding and accepting the fact that we all die, then your priorities completely change.
For me, it just made me take a good look at my life. What actually made me happy? What actually gave me peace? And suddenly, living a life in excess did not seem so fabulous anymore. I did not want to spend the one life I have slaving away at a job that gave me lots of money but minimal personal joy. I did not want to wake up one day when I am 50 and realise I have wasted half of my life being so focused on what we are told by society we ‘must do’ and not actually doing what I want to do. And this is not to encourage people to quit their jobs and do fuck all (haha), because unfortunately we do live in a capitalist society and we therefore have to work to survive. I am just trying to offer a different perspective on the traditional ‘hustle’ model where people spend their entire life stressing about work and making more money.
I no longer have the urge to climb the career ladder. I just want to do something that makes me happy. I no longer have the urge to get the newest and trendiest clothes or the newest and coolest phone. I still have an iPhone 6 which works perfectly for what I need it for – i.e. connect with my friends around the world, and to speak to my mum over WhatsApp from her various travels. The funny thing is that I keep getting ‘shamed’ by social media and companies for not having the newest iPhone and those damn earphones. But it does not even faze me because I know that I do not need it and it brings no real joy to my life. I simply no longer feel I have to justify the way I choose to live my life because it is mine to live, and mine alone. And it is such a liberating feeling!
As many of you are aware, I have been eating a plant-based diet for a year now (and I honestly cannot see myself going back). Initially, I did it because of my health, but as I have done more and more research, I have realised it has massive environmental benefits as well.
Like I said in one of my most recent post I do not really do new years’ resolutions, but one thing I really want to set as a goal for myself this year is to become more environmentally sustainable and really reduce my carbon footprint. While things like diet plays a huge part, recycling, travel and shopping also matters (and not something I have really engaged in until now). So this year I want to start recycling, try to keep my flying to maximum twice a year, and stop buying mass produced clothes and instead buy second-hand/vintage.
Furthermore, I would like to start to introduce more vegan beauty products into my beauty regime (although I am slightly struggling with this). I had a look at my make up and skin care products last week, and barely any of them were vegan and about 50% were cruelty free. So I decided to take it one step at the time – from now on I will only buy cruelty free beauty products (that are preferably vegan). Can you guys recommend any good brands that you like? 🙂
I never do New Year’s resolutions because in my book every day is a new day and a possibility to make a change or begin a new chapter. Nevertheless, what I always do at the end of each year is a kind of reflection of the year that has gone by and evaluate whether it was productive and whether I need to have a clearer focus next year.
The people who have followed my social medias and this blog since its birth in 2014, know that I have always been very career focused and that my career has always been the highlight of my life because I have never really had to overcome any obstacles – everything I have wanted has just come to me and I have not had to work very hard to get what I have wanted.
On the contrary, my personal life has always been a bit of a shit show. Roller coaster relationships and a fragile mental health daunted by death and existential anxiety. And while I have done two rounds of counselling, which made me understand why I am the way I am and why I act the way I do and why I choose the men I do, I never truly made an effort to improve myself.
However, 2018 has been the opposite for me. For the first time in a very long time, I have faced obstacles in my career and it has kind of been put on the back-burner. Instead, this year I have truly focused on my happiness. I have made some pretty big changes in my life that I feel not only have improved my own happiness, but that have made me a better person.
I have fully and truly emerged myself into a more spiritual lifestyle of crystals and meditation that have helped me fill my life with more positivity and less negativity. This naturally led me to stop going out in Mayfair. Following on from that, I decided to only eat a plant based diet at the beginning of the year to feed my body and mind with produce from the earth, and not dead beings and I have stuck by this. My most recent decision involves quitting the consumption of alcohol.
A spiritual journey is an endless one, but I already feel happier, kinder and more at peace with life. So even though I may not have excelled in my career this year, I feel like the progression I have made in my personal life is far greater than any promotion or pay rise.
As you are all probably aware, I have taken a break from the blog for a couple of months because I felt I had to focus on other things. I now feel I am re-focused and I have a very clear view of where I want to take the blog from now on. Previously, the blog has been more of a lifestyle blog, and while some of those elements will still remain, the new focus will be my passion – BEAUTY!
With that in mind, please let me know what you want to see on the blog hereafter. Vlogs? Make Up Tutorials? Product Reviews? Ahhh I get excited just writing about it!
I söndags var jag på Columbia Road Flower Market. Känner mig nästan som en turist på nytt i London nu när jag flyttat till East, för det är som en helt annan värld än sydvästra London. Gjorde en liten snabb google sökning på saker att göra i East, och då kom Columbia Road upp som ett tips. Varje söndag är det blommarknad där mellan 8 och 15, så bestämde mig för att gå upp tidigt och dra dit i söndags eftersom det ligger en 20 min bussresa från mitt hus. Typiskt nog så började det regna precis när jag kom dit, men det gjorde inget. Blommorna var lika fina ändå! Kommer att rekommendera denna marknad till alla som kommer till London framöver, verkligen en upplevelse!
// Last Sunday I went to Columbia Road Flower Market. I almost feel like a tourist again in London now that I have moved to East because it is like a whole new world than in SW London. I did a quick google search for things to do in East, and Columbia Road came up as a suggestion. Every Sunday the road turns into a flower market between 8am and 3pm, so I decided to go there on Sunday as it is only a 20 minute bus ride from mine. Unfortunately it started raining as soon as I got there, but that did not matter. The flowers were just as beautiful still! I am going to recommend this market to everyone who comes to London in the future, it really is an experience! //
Tänkte rekommendera en restaurang som jag var på när jag hade min graduation. Skylon, som restaurangen heter, ligger i The Royal Festival Hall där min graduation ceremony hölls. Så jag och pappa gick dit efter för att äta lunch. Var positivt överraskad då utsikten var vacker (den ligger precis på floden) och maten var supergod. Gillade även inredningen som var modern. Vi var ju där på lunch, men kan tänka mig att det är mysigt för middag också!
// I thought I would recommend a restaurant that I went to on my graduation. Skylon, which is the name of the restaurant, is located inside The Royal Festival Hall where my graduation ceremony took place. So dad and I went there afterwards to have lunch. I was actually very impressed because the view was lovely (it was right on the river) and the food was really tasty. I also liked that the interior design was very modern. Vi only had lunch, but I can imagine that it would be good for dinner too! //