WISH LIST

My birthday is fast approaching (one week left of being 24!) and I thought I would share with you my wish list for this year. As you can imagine, pretty much all of it is beauty related!

Under £60

Tom Ford Black Orchid Eau de Parfum – £58

Huda Beauty Faux Filter Foundation (in Tres Leches) – £32

Tarte Shape Tape Concealer (in 16N) – £23

Over £60

Gingerlily Silk Pillowcase (in Taupe or Silver Grey) – £75

Spectrum Collections Ultimate Unicorn Set – £99.99

Roja Enigma Parfum – £375

GETTING OLDER

Photographer: Chris Bissell. MUA: Abbi-Rose. Hair: Charlie Wilkinson.

As my 25th birthday is approaching, I have been reflecting over what it means to grow older and get closer and closer to proper adulthood (I mean who really feels like an adult under the age of 30 anyway?!).

I remember when I turned 23, the kind of thoughts going through my head were very different from now. I remember feeling anxious about growing older, which may have had to do with my death anxiety, but also to do with the fact that society views ageing (especially for women) as something to avoid. “As you get older your value decreases”. lol k thanks.

But by searching inwards, I am approaching my 25th birthday with a different mind-set. I know I am getting older, I know that looks wise it’s only downhill from here, and I know that I will be in many social situations which will make me feel old. But I am ok with that. In fact, I feel a sense of calm and accomplishment.

To provide an example. This weekend I found myself at pre-drinks in a student accommodation complex (yes, I am aware that as an almost 25 year old that is a massive cougar warning and should not be happening). It was random, last minute, and I can confirm I did not know it was a student accommodation until we arrived (my friends can confirm this story). Anyway, me and my friends were drinking our wine out of red cups (I mean it was only right considering the circumstances) and conversing with various people. I ended up having a conversation with a 19 year old teenage girl who was telling me about how she was revolting against her parents by not going to university and how she had a bucket list of things she wanted to do before she turns 25 and gets old (I decided to ignore that slap in the face) and was generally a lovely girl, but with little life experience from what I gauged. In that moment, drinking my wine and listening to the dramas of being a teenager, a sense of appreciation washed over me. I felt thankful that I am 24 going on 25, and that I will continue to grow older.

The reason for this is because I the older I get, the more life experience I obtain, and the more soul searching and self-reflecting I do. I thought I had my shit together at 19, but now looking back I know I had no shits together whatsoever. And just knowing that I will continue to grow as a person and become wiser the older I get makes me kind of excited for the ageing process. Wrinkles and all.

PARTY IN THE CITY WHERE THE HEAT IS ON

For my birthday this year I wanted to do something different (and something that did not involve going to a restaurant and club in Mayfair or Shoreditch). I thought about another city in the UK (like Manchester), but thought I deserved something a little more exciting seeing as I am turning 25. I looked at Jamaica (which I have wanted to go to for ages!) but the prices were ridiculous and so I quickly dropped that idea. Then I came to think about the US…

I have not been there since I went to Hawaii to film for Mac Miller’s show on MTV 5 years ago (I was under the drinking age so there was only so many activities I could partake in). I remember thinking to myself that I need to come back when I am 21 or over, because I have been to all of these sick places (NYC, LA, Vegas, San Fran, San Diego and Hawaii) without being able to go clubbing or drink in public places. So where better to go for my 25th birthday than America?!

I have wanted to go to Miami for a while, but always thought it was a place you go with a group of friends to party, and so it never really seemed like the right time (plus getting everyone together at the same time often proves a difficult task). But it is my 25th birthday after all so I gave it a shot, and both N and T confirmed their attendance straight away! I will be spending my 25th birthday with two of my best friends in Miami for a week in April. Whoop whoop!

I have already done a bit of research and know that I want to go to the following places:

Sightseeing: Art Deco Historic District and Little Havana

Beaches: South Beach and Venetian Pool

Restaurants: Versace Mansion (Gianni’s) and Plant

Bars: Sugar and Ball & Chain

Day time parties: Hyde Beach and Nikki Beach

Nightclubs: LIV and Story

Is there anywhere else I have to go when I am there? 🙂

HOW PRIORITIES CHANGE

One of the most prominent things I have noticed since I started my little spiritual journey is how my outlook on life and its ‘must-dos’ have changed, along with my priorities. Of course, I am nowhere near where I want to be in terms of what I prioritise in life, but I have come quite a long way already. Let me explain.

We are conditioned from a very early age to decide what we want to do for a career and we are pushed to pursue that career and to make as much money as possible. I mean I remember being asked in nursery what I wanted to be when I grew up, and while that may have been an innocent question, it had a huge effect on the kind of priorities I grew up with – your focus should always be career and work. Then we get a little bit older and we go to school and are pushed to stay in school and to ‘compete’ against other students to get the best grades in order to get in to the best universities and get the best jobs and earn the most money…And then when we are adults, suddenly we have these responsibilities and an even greater urge to be successful so that we can afford a house, car, nice clothes, watches, trips etc etc and get some kind of social status and live ones ‘best life’…

…but the realisation I have come to is that you do not actually have to adhere to the way the government and society wants you to live (ultimately the way we view career and work now is massively beneficial for the government and businesses – we want to earn more so that we can buy more things we do not necessarily need). I used to be all about the ‘hustle’ and about making money and become a billionaire and live life happily ever after. I worked several jobs so that I could buy myself designer shoes and eat in fancy restaurants. And while I give kudos to people who are working hard to give themselves a better life, for me, the constant pressure of always having to be better and do better and get a ‘good job’ and be an independent power woman became toxic after a while and it really just hit me one day that we all die regardless. Whether you have £1 in the bank or a million, you will still die. And I think when you come to that realisation, not just knowing that we all die in the end, but actually understanding and accepting the fact that we all die, then your priorities completely change.

For me, it just made me take a good look at my life. What actually made me happy? What actually gave me peace? And suddenly, living a life in excess did not seem so fabulous anymore. I did not want to spend the one life I have slaving away at a job that gave me lots of money but minimal personal joy. I did not want to wake up one day when I am 50 and realise I have wasted half of my life being so focused on what we are told by society we ‘must do’ and not actually doing what I want to do. And this is not to encourage people to quit their jobs and do fuck all (haha), because unfortunately we do live in a capitalist society and we therefore have to work to survive. I am just trying to offer a different perspective on the traditional ‘hustle’ model where people spend their entire life stressing about work and making more money.

I no longer have the urge to climb the career ladder. I just want to do something that makes me happy. I no longer have the urge to get the newest and trendiest clothes or the newest and coolest phone. I still have an iPhone 6 which works perfectly for what I need it for – i.e. connect with my friends around the world, and to speak to my mum over WhatsApp from her various travels. The funny thing is that I keep getting ‘shamed’ by social media and companies for not having the newest iPhone and those damn earphones. But it does not even faze me because I know that I do not need it and it brings no real joy to my life. I simply no longer feel I have to justify the way I choose to live my life because it is mine to live, and mine alone. And it is such a liberating feeling!

GREEN IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD

As many of you are aware, I have been eating a plant-based diet for a year now (and I honestly cannot see myself going back). Initially, I did it because of my health, but as I have done more and more research, I have realised it has massive environmental benefits as well.

Like I said in one of my most recent post I do not really do new years’ resolutions, but one thing I really want to set as a goal for myself this year is to become more environmentally sustainable and really reduce my carbon footprint. While things like diet plays a huge part, recycling, travel and shopping also matters (and not something I have really engaged in until now). So this year I want to start recycling, try to keep my flying to maximum twice a year, and stop buying mass produced clothes and instead buy second-hand/vintage.

Furthermore, I would like to start to introduce more vegan beauty products into my beauty regime (although I am slightly struggling with this). I had a look at my make up and skin care products last week, and barely any of them were vegan and about 50% were cruelty free. So I decided to take it one step at the time – from now on I will only buy cruelty free beauty products (that are preferably vegan). Can you guys recommend any good brands that you like? 🙂

”IF SOMEONE HAS A PROBLEM, IT IS THEIR PROBLEM”

For the last few months, and even more so the last few weeks, I have been feeling incredibly in tune with myself. I have always been very good at exercising self-reflection and understanding why I act the way I do, or why I date the people I date etc etc. That is why I have always been good at spotting out when I am in a bad place – if you know yourself well, you also know when you are putting yourself through bad situations and you know what causes you pain.

I knew why I ended up in relationships with aggressive men, but I did not know what tools to use to avoid doing it – so I went to counselling. I knew why I had death and existential anxiety, but I did not know what tools to use to avoid getting such bad panic attacks – so I went to counselling for a second time. When I felt like I had accurately dealt with the issues that were causing me pain and was in a balanced mental place, I went on to explore remedies which would potentially help me remain balanced and happy – hence why I stopped taking the pill, started introducing crystals into my life, switched to a plant-based diet, and stopped drinking and going out as much.

It makes me incredibly happy when I encounter people, especially within the last week, who tell me that they can see I am more balanced and harmonised than I was for example a year or two ago. Who tell me I spread good energy and inspire them. I mean my journey is for me, first and foremost, but if it means that I can spread some of the positive energy to others as well, all the better! My theory is that if you are content and happy with yourself, you also have more to give to others. If I fill my own basket first, I can give you some of my fruits when I am done. But if I don’t fill my own basket first, I will have no fruits to give to either of us.

That being said, I still encounter people who are annoyed by me or who annoy me – that is just life, you are not always going to get along with everyone or like everything everyone does (I mean, there is no crystal in the world that will decease my annoyance for slow walkers during London tube rush hour)! But I often get asked how I not let people’s opinions of me get to me, and truth is I have always been good at not really caring what people think of me, because I noticed very early on in life that what one person might praise you for, another might hate you for.

Nevertheless, it can be hard to never let anything get to you, especially when it comes to family, relationships or friends. It might sound harsh, but something my first counsellor told me has been so vital to my own peace of mind in such situations: “If someone has a problem, it is their problem.” This statement, which is pretty simple and straightforward, really changed my life. Because not only does it apply to other people, but also to myself.

For example, if I feel a certain way about someone’s behaviour or a comment someone made, it is my problem. The person who has made me feel that way, is probably as happy as a clam, going about their normal business, without a thought in the world that I might be annoyed at them about something they did or said. Hence, me being annoyed is only taking time and energy from me. Time and energy I will not get back.

And vice versa! If someone is annoyed at me, that is their problem. Nomi Leasure said in a recent interview she did with She’s Not Sorry: “You encounter people where you can tell this isn’t about you, this is something that they’re carrying from their past or their psyche.” Then it is just better to not engage emotionally, because it will drag you into whatever they are going through and will most likely cause both of you to be unhappy.

I think why so many people have difficulty with this is because us humans have this natural instinct to wanting to be liked and respected. If you are liked and respected within the community this will get you further in life in terms of social circle, career, earning a living and being able to provide for yourself, your offspring etc. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked and respected, it is important to somewhere stop and think if being liked and respected is making you happy, or if it is causing you unnecessary stress. I realised that me caring about what other people do, say, or think about me or my behaviour was just causing me unnecessary stress and was getting in the way of me being my happiest self. So I stopped.

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A REFLECTION BEFORE THE NEW YEAR

I never do New Year’s resolutions because in my book every day is a new day and a possibility to make a change or begin a new chapter. Nevertheless, what I always do at the end of each year is a kind of reflection of the year that has gone by and evaluate whether it was productive and whether I need to have a clearer focus next year.

The people who have followed my social medias and this blog since its birth in 2014, know that I have always been very career focused and that my career has always been the highlight of my life because I have never really had to overcome any obstacles – everything I have wanted has just come to me and I have not had to work very hard to get what I have wanted.

On the contrary, my personal life has always been a bit of a shit show. Roller coaster relationships and a fragile mental health daunted by death and existential anxiety. And while I have done two rounds of counselling, which made me understand why I am the way I am and why I act the way I do and why I choose the men I do, I never truly made an effort to improve myself.

However, 2018 has been the opposite for me. For the first time in a very long time, I have faced obstacles in my career and it has kind of been put on the back-burner. Instead, this year I have truly focused on my happiness. I have made some pretty big changes in my life that I feel not only have improved my own happiness, but that have made me a better person.

I have fully and truly emerged myself into a more spiritual lifestyle of crystals and meditation that have helped me fill my life with more positivity and less negativity. This naturally led me to stop going out in Mayfair. Following on from that, I decided to only eat a plant based diet at the beginning of the year to feed my body and mind with produce from the earth, and not dead beings and I have stuck by this. My most recent decision involves quitting the consumption of alcohol.

A spiritual journey is an endless one, but I already feel happier, kinder and more at peace with life. So even though I may not have excelled in my career this year, I feel like the progression I have made in my personal life is far greater than any promotion or pay rise.

GUESS WHO’S BACK, BACK AGAIN?!

I am back people!

As you are all probably aware, I have taken a break from the blog for a couple of months because I felt I had to focus on other things. I now feel I am re-focused and I have a very clear view of where I want to take the blog from now on. Previously, the blog has been more of a lifestyle blog, and while some of those elements will still remain, the new focus will be my passion – BEAUTY!

With that in mind, please let me know what you want to see on the blog hereafter. Vlogs? Make Up Tutorials? Product Reviews? Ahhh I get excited just writing about it!

TanRevel Spray Tan Kit (Self-tanning)

This post is in collaboration with TanRevel

I have found my lifesaver! For someone who never wears make up to work, the cold and dark winter months definitely take a toll on your face’s glow. I always feel prettiest when I have a natural tan, so in the summer I am loving life haha! But when winter comes and the tan fades, my face just feels a bit ’meh’. As I am no millionaire, and therefore cannot travel to a hot country everytime I want a tan, nor agree with tanning in solariums as this is bad for the skin and eyes, I have long thought about using spraytan. But whenever I have seen people use it, it looks patchy and smells terrible, so I have chosen not to.

TanRevel has changed my mind! With a device that sprays your face evenly, with tanning liquid that does not smell, I think I have finally found a great solution for me! Because at the end of the day, who does not want a nice tan to get through this weather?!

In the pictures above I am not wearing any make up, I only have one ’layer’ of TanRevel. I think I look pretty fresh! And do you know what? All my beautiful followers and readers get an exclusive 20% discount by using the code bueno20. So head over to TanRevel’s website and get your tanning set today 🙂

WORK WORK WORK

BTS for Kryolan

I am excited for tomorrow. I have not done a modelling job in a while, so when I was asked by my favourite make up company do a job tomorrow, I was so happy.

This weekend will also be fun. Got a birthday on Saturday and date day/night on Sunday.

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!